미니

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
갑자기 데살로니가전서 5: 16-18절의 말씀이 생각나네요.  하루에 몆번이나 우리들은 감사하다는 기도를 하나님께 드리나요? 그리고 갑자기 힘든일 생기고 시험당할떼 우리는 너무 힘들다고 도와달라고 기도를 드립니다.  왜 이런일이 있냐고 불평불만도 하곤하죠.  이번 이모의 수술을 통해 여러가지를 내 마음속에 와닿았습니다.  

 

한순간 하나님께서 우리의 목숨을 가져간다고 생각하니, 내가 숨쉬고 있는 일분 일초를 감사하고 찬양을 드려야 된다는 생각과, 만약 믿지않은 어떤 사랑하는 사람이 하루아침에 그 사람의 목숨을 하나님께서 가져간다고 한다면, 우리들은 하나님의 자녀로써 그 사랑을 전해야된다는 것도 우리들의 세상에 주어진 큰 할일이라고 느꼈습니다.   요즘 계속 이어지고있는 목사님의 말씀의 재목 "전도"인거죠.

수줍음이 많은 저의 성격으로써 전도는 결코 쉽지 않습니다.  사랑하는 사람한테 전 이말을 전달하라는 사명이 다가왔습니다. "하나님께서 당신의 기도를 듣기를 원하십니다"  하지만 그말이 입에 나오지 않을것 같아서 거의 삼십분을 망설이다가 마음을 굳게 먹었습니다.  그냥 "기도드리세요"라고 전하고 전화를 끝기로.  그말을 전하지 않으면 만약 그 사랑하는 사람이 다음날 죽는다고 하면 난 평생, 만약 내가 그말을 했으면.. 그 사람은 천국에 가질 않았을까하는 죄책감에 많이 힘들어했을것입니다.  그래서 간절히 기도했습니다. 내 입술을 빌려 하나님꼐서 전달하고자하는 말 하십시요.  그래서 전화로 이말을 꺼냏습니다. "기도 드리세요" 하시만 상대방에선 저에게 질문을 던져왔습니다.  당황스러웠지만 저는 어쩔수 없이 "하나님은 당신의 기도를 듣기를 원하십니다" 라는 말을 .. 진짜 어쩔수 없이 하게끔 만드시더라고요. 참 하나님도... 전화 끝고나서 얼마나 마음이 평안하고 기쁘고 ..또 찬양이 넘처 나는지. 마음속에선 이러한 작은 목소리가 들려오더라고요. "넌 너의 할일을 했다"라고.

 

일분이라도 더 잤으면하는 우리의 삶중에 하루에 단 일분이라도 "하나님 감사합니다" 하고 기도하면 하나님이 방그래 웃는모습이 상상이 가지 않으세요?

 

 

시편 136: 1-9절
내가 힘들어도 감사하라...
사랑하는 가족이 아프고 힘들어도 감사하라...
그 힒듬의 큰 뜻은 하나님만이 알고 계심을 감사하라..
감사 감사 감사..
Be thankful to the Lord ..

Yes, I just finished reading the book.  I actually scheduled to finish the book by end of July but I finished it early.  I could not stop reading the ending part within last two days.  
I can't wait to watch the movie.  I am hoping to watch it this weekend.  I noticed that the movie started with PG for the first one at least but now it's turning into PG-13.  I think it's going to get scarier as they make more of Harry Potter.  I am not so sure if I will be reading next book, 6th, anytime soon but I felt pretty good doing something, completing something during my boring time.  I am not sure what I will be doing next three/four weeks until I move but I feel like I've complished something.  :)

It has been almost two weeks since I came back to Pullman from Korea.  It feels like it was almost like a dream.  I've been trying to get better from a sickness since Saturday due to fishing out in the rain.  Past Saturday was the free fishing day for Idaho.    So I went out with couple of friends from Math Dept to fishing. I just love fishing.   We ended up making a fire and having some hot dogs with bread instead of buns.  We went to Lisa's place and cooked some fish (trouts) that we caught.  Mmmm , it was good.
Since then... I've been sick.  Sunday after church I had to go to spokane for our band practice.  We're going to be in the show this (coming) saturday playing about five musics.  I am not so sure which ones yet.  THen next Sautrday or Sunday we'll be playing at the "wedding".  Forteen songs.  I think.
I am getting little nervous about that.  Since i've been sick I haven't had a chance to practice much.  I think I can even play them in my dream... that's how much I know those songs by now.  Anyway, I hope I don't look ridiculous front of Vietnamese people that I don't even know.  

There are so much things.. to say but I did not have much access to internet so I couldn't update my journal.  Well, I've been waiting at the Jeju Island airport for last three hours.  Our plan is at 7:30pm but we arrived here "little" early so that we might have a hope to catch an earlier flight.  No hope so far.  We have to pay for stand by and it cost... too much.  We had taxi tour yesterday.  It was about 90000 won.  I wish we had a rental car.  Because we didn't have an international driver license we couldn't rent a car.  So, that's the one important thing that I want to recommend.  GET YOUR CELL PHONE AND DRIVER LICENSE.  In Jeju, if you don't have a car... you're screwed.  UNLESS, if you have tour package where you have no freedom of where you want/wish to go.  You must follow the crowd.  That's why we came.. to the airport so early.  ANYWAY... we're going back to Incheon today.  THen... going back HOME tomorrow.  Home Home Sweet Home.  Eactly...hehehe
I miss pullman already.  Well... I've missed it for awhile.  There are so much to do when I go back.. unpacking, practice music... and work work and more work.
I miss friends in Pullman already.  I miss friends here as well.  

Tomorrow... I'll be flying... in the plane... at least ten hours.  I still have three hours to kill.  I guess this is a good way to kill some time.  Anyway... I'm sure i have so much more to say... but I am busy chatting. :)

I think I haven't slept like this since I graduated.  I slept until 9am.  I felt so good.  Well, today's plan is to visit hospitals again. But my mom suggested to go to asian occupunctor.  I had stomach probrem and  others.. such as my knee.  So I had needles around my body.  THe doctor also told me to do something that i call it as "sucking blood".  He uses sharp point ended pen to make holes in certain place in my body and use sucking cup to suck blood out.  The purpose is to suck out dead blood cells which also appears to be really dark color.  I am not so sure if I feel better but I felt really weak. We also got drinking medicine.  Chinese medicine.  
We came back home... and rest.  I need to eat lots of veggies (least favorite) and eat regularly.  Everyone knows how hard it is to eat regularly..
Tomorrow is another big day.  I am going to swimming with my aunt.  Then going out with mom's friends daughers and sons.  It will be fun.!!! can't wait.

Yesterday was an ordinary day.  We said good byes to grandma and aunt who were going back to Seattle yesterday.  Then my mom, and I went to hospital.  I've been little sick since after spring break.  I don't think it cleared from my body.  I started to caught again two weeks ago.  So we went to 내과.  THe doctor told me that my noise is very week (damaged) and I need to take medicine.  My noise bleed so often right before I came to Korea.  THen we went to dentist.  I was told that my three teeth were infected with capities but now its five.  I was shocked.  The cost of not taking care of them is..... like thousand dollars. 백이십만원.  So I decided to take care ofthem with my school insurence back in Pullman.  ANy recommendations?
Anyway, after visiting hospitals we went to church for Wed service.  My mom's ... our old church.  I don't remember too much about the church or pastor. It's been... eleven years.  After meeting with pastor we went to HyunChul's restaurant.  Hyunchul is our old neighbor from Shinsegae Apt in Inchon.  I probably couldn't recognized him if I saw him on the street.  More I see him I was able to see his old face.  We went to karayoke and exchanged infomations.  
It was ackward but exciting at the same time.  I think only thing we did together was.... fighting.  He was happy to see my brother also surprised.  My brother gained weight and he used to play with him all the time.  
I was dead tired at the end of the day... but I think it was worth it. 

My aunt, mom,  brother and I went to Seoul today.  We took bus and train to get to Itaewon where US army station was located.  We went to Shinsaegae mall.  That place is sooooooooo expensive.  One t-shirt that looks like maybe $5 in old navy or gap for sale cost almost or more than $100 dollars.  I was happy to see cute dresses and shirts but very disappointed about the price.  I can't afford to buy a shirt that cost more than $100 dollars.  That's just CRAZY.  So we went to nam daemoon seejang.  My aunt has hair salon and she wanted to buy accessories to sell.  I did not have a chance to look around as much as I wanted to because of my aunt wanted to buy her stuff.  I was disappointed about that too.  It was a rainy day... raining pretty hard by the time we were ready to leave , actually when my aunt was ready to leave.   I was soo hungry that I felt dizzy during lunch time.  So we ate before we went to namdaemoon seejang.  We went back to shinsaegae mall and bought some food to take it home with us.  It was hobbang.  Mixed with meat and vegetable like homemade.  It was very good.
We came back to Itaewon hotel.  the place is so expensive but it was a crappy place.  My mom works for Hilton so I know howtheir rooms looks like and it's not even close to that with the price of delux suite.  
I am going to meet my friends tomorrow, Eunjin and Sara.  Hopefully it would be a better day tomorrow.
 

So... I woke up 4am but I went back to sleep.  Thank God...
 I have been having hard time sleeping without waking up in the middle of the night.  I wasn't the only one.  My mom and my brother had hard time as well.
We went to 구월시장  where I used to go with my mom holding hands for shopping.  The place has changed so much since last time we went.  My mom met one of her friend.  The lady told me that her daughter got married.  WOW the girl has same age as my brother's but she already have a baby.  This morning, my mom's friend called and they were chatting.  Catching up with old times, but she was also told that one of her friend's daughter is getting marrried.  WOW
I feel like I should be getting married.  Well, first I need to have a boyfriend who can propose to me.  
Anyways, I was very surprised to hear all of these news.  

We went to 소래시장, where fresh sashimi and all kinds of fresh fish are out for sale.  I was overwhelmed because everywhere we went, they called us unnie, emo, buy this buy that for... blah blah.  I think I was having a headache from people who were telling me too much of stuff.  

Next stop was home.  We wanted to go to "namdae noon seejang" but emo said we should rest at her place tonight and go there tomorrow morning.  SO  we had some soju and sashimi and had fun.  
Hmmmmmm, I can't wait to go to jaeju island.  I have been looking online for good deals.  
Hopefully 21st we can go.  It's been two days in Korea.  For some reason, I feel like I have been lived here all my life and on the other hand, I feel like a foreigner.

Second day in Korea.  I feel really really tired.  
We went to grandfather's cemetary today.  Then we went to my gradma's sisters' places.  I do not even remember them but they remembered me as a little kid.  
Ooooooooh, I almost forgot.  I ate soondae.  Byungchun soondae.  Byungchun is the famous place for soondae.  Then we came home and ate jjajangmyun.  Its a black noodle, almost like jjapagetti.  It was soooo good.  
Flying part was very painful (12 hours from San Francisco to S. Korea, but Seattle to S.F for 2 hours).  Total 14 hours in a plane, but the fun part begins now...

I haven't update my livejournal lately...
I am not too busy with school yet, but I think I feel like I should be busy so I am keeping myself busy.  If that makes any sense.
Tomorrow is another big day, snowboarding to Mt. Spokane with Paul, 희빈, and 희빈's friend.
I think I am prepared for tomorrow. 
I hope everyone have fun and be safe!

I am just not made to dance.
Do you like dancing?
I guess so
Then you are made to dance.
-Take the Lead

Few days ago, on December 18th, I received a phone call from my flatmate Paul.  He seemed little worry to tell me something.  It was about my baby Fiona, a hamster for my birthday present from Mary and Paul.   He called in the morning to tell me that Fiona doesn't seem very active.  She does not move too much and she's been sleeping since I left  home for the break to see my family.  I told Paul that she is going to be okay and we can wait to see if she gets better on her own by tomorrow.  Even though Paul suggested me that he can take her to vet hospital, where Paul works at the office, but I did not think it was a big deal for my hamster to do that. 
Later in the afternoon, Paul called me back with a sad voice tone and telling me that Fiona might not be alive anymore.  She does not move at all and she feels cold and stiff.  Then I was not sure if he was just joking or not.  He seemed very serious and I did not know what to say.  I started to laugh.  It was not a laugh because it was funny, it was like 'I can't believe it happened' laugh.  I don't think I laughed noticeably to Paul but I really did not know what to say.  Poor hamster. 
I had a betha before.  He died after two and a half years.  He lived long life under my care.  My hamster was only under my care for less than a month.  I can't even take care of hamster more than a month?  Paul and Mary put Fiona in a box for me to berry her when i come back to town.  The rest of the evening was a depressing evening.  Only if I brought her with me, I would see her what is happening to her.  I have no idea how, or why she actually died.  Paul and Mary assumed that she died due to natural cause or diabetes.   Death cannot be controlled.  If that was her time to die then it was her time to die.  Who knows when my time is... or anyone else that I love.  How sad...
Having a glass of wine yesterday did not help at all.  More depressed.  There is nothing I could've done to save her other than extending her life by taking her into the vet hospital and maybe they couldn't do anything about it...
I am not so sure about having another hamster or any living creature under my care for awhile.  I might,,... but I am afraid that it might die soon. What a horrible way to begin my break...

I can't believe this semester is ending in four weeks of classes.  I feel like I haven't done anything.  I updated few LJ entries, does that count?
I still have two homework assignements to finish and three projects to do.  I have no idea what two projects are yet, but one project already have a due date.  
I realized my birthday is coming in three weeks too.   I don't feel too excited.  I don't know why.  
I lost my birthday excitement since I came to university or rather say I moved to U.S.  My mom does not have right money and right time to give me any birthday parties for me since we moved to Alaska.  After I said it, I want to take it back.  I had a wonderful birthday party when I turned 17.  That was it.  It's just that we're so busy and financially ..."poor"( I don't want to say it but I coudln't find any better word to phrase) that it's hard to make advance plan.

  I haven't had my mom's homemade seaweed soup for my birthday for past six years now since I've been living on my own.  For last three years, I seem to be alone (single I mean) before my birthday and right before my birthday I am not alone.  Will this happen again this year?  life is so unpredictable that even repeating history is very unusual. 
 I had a conversation last night with Paul about some sort of relationship.  I guess finding right person, in right time and right moment can be very hard.  Even one can find a right person, but if it's not the right time nor the right moment, it might not work out.  I should be patient for right time, right person, and the perfect moment.  Happy ending with happy romance movies don't have happy relationship throughout the movie.  It's because there are so much troubles in a relationship that ending is unpredictable.  I wonder how people meet for two months and get married.  When Paul and I were at the restaurant having a dinner I saw a friend's friend (male) having a dinner front of our table with other couple.  I overheard some conversation and it sounded like his wife just met him for two months and they got married.  It would be more of arranged wedding, where they meet in purpose of getting married if they feel right for each other then they get married.  I asked my friend that I wonder why he didn't say hi to me at the restaurant and I was told that it's because he just got married and he didn't want to give a wrong impression to his wife by saying hi to a strange girl that his wife does not know about.  WOW. Or maybe..possible he  didn't see me. I hope I don't end up like that. 

I have a meeting with professor in ten minutes so I should get going for now.

There are so many things that we are so used to however we do not know they even existed.  I mean, I didn't realized how much I miss something until I actually lost it.  So, I am learning to live without "it".  "It" can be multiple things like internet access in my bedroom, having a boyfriend, or loved ones, and even many things I own.  For example, for a week, I did not have internet access in my own bedroom, so I had to ask Paul or take care of personal business while I am still in school.  Although there is a computer available in my office which is shared by two other graduate students in mathematics department, it is always occupied by one of my officemate.  That is totally okay with me when I had internet access in my own bedroom, however it started to frustrate me.  I have to go find a computer that I can use in the department can be tough sometime.  
Anyway, I begin to adopt the situation.  I thought I can never live without having an internet access in my office or my room however, I am learning to live without it.

I am also starting to live without being spoiled.  While I "was" in the relationship last semester and past summer, I got very spoiled by so called "ex-boyfriend".  It is little complicated explain because we were always on and off in relationship.  We were never official since first time we broke up which was almost two years ago.  Since then we were on and off for two years.  For now, we are "off" and who knows what might happen in the future. Am I looking forward to another "on" relationship? That question remains unanswered.  I am learning to live without being loved by someone, or rather spoiled by someone I loved.  Just because I missed being spoiled by previous boyfriend, I should not just grab some guy and ask for same thing to happen.  Being patient would be the right choice, or rather being forced to be patient even though I could just get a random guy to fulfill my loneliness (?).  I learned to live without it.  I learned or adopt not going to restaurant once or twice a week and getting things I wanted if I ask besides getting married.     
There are so many things that I have that I don't realize how important they are until I lose them at some point of my life.  I don't want to lose my family or loved ones, but thinking about it only answers that they will no longer be there for me someday which makes me really sad.  Then I realize I should not take those valuable things in my life as granted.  I want to or try to take them more seriously in my life that I will keep them tightly or treat them right so that even if I lose them, I will not regret it.  I do not want to think about losing them, however it will happen someday. 
I saw my ex-boyfriend few times this week, and I noticed that I missed being loved or missed him being around me.  Then I also realized how stressful I can be if I am still in a relationship with him at this time of my life.  Disadvantage of not having loved one around me also gave me time to think about who I really am when I am not around him.  I feel like I am back to myself now.  When I lose something, I will also gain something.  
I did learn to live without "it", being loved, and taking advantage of what I have in my life that I might lose it someday however I will survive.

It's 12:30pm Monday afternoon
Recording grades for my students
Just thinking about how my day will go today.
Probably ... mostly homeworks.
Oh well,
I need to look for flight tickets to go home for Christmas.
I also need to buy new laptop,
Million thoughts passing through my mind,
I should go eat before my office hour,
it's another day in October,
Monday afternoon...

어릴적 읽었던 책이 생각나서 설명하고자 한다. 자새히 생각나지는 않지만, 야후에서 적힌걸 올린다. 초등학교때 읽었던 책이다. 아빠께서 선물해주신 책.
"브라질 최고의 작가로 평가받는 바스콘셀로스의 대표적 작품이자, 세계 21개국에 번역되어 널리 읽히고 있는, 너무나 잘 알려진 성장소설이다. 감수성이 예민한 다섯 살 소년 '제제'를 통해 사랑의 문제, 인간 비극의 원초적인 조건, 인간과 사물 또는 자연의 교감, 어른과 아이의 우정 등을 잔잔한 어조스스로 자기가 만든 길에 따라서 달라진다
인생이란 기쁨과 슬픔을 나눌 수 있는 사람이 가장 행복하다
절망과 싸울 기회를 포기하면 반드시 실패한다

2. 사랑은 어떻게 시작되는가?
문제가 발생하는 즉시 먼저 해결하라
삶의 속박에서 벗어나라
사랑은 언제나 삶의 커다란 테마란다
성(性)과 성적인 욕망을 먼저 구분하라
행복한 결혼 생활을 위하여
믿음이 가는 사람을 찾아라

3. 몸에 대하여
항상 올바른 생각이 중요하다
건강은 결국 자기 자신이 책임진다는 것을 명심하라
몸매에 너무 기죽지 마라
인생을 살아간다는 것의 즐거움
여성으로서 엄마가 된다는 것은 무엇을 의미할까?
(...)

4. 먼저 의미있게 살아가는 방법을 배워라
항상 어떤 대가를 바라지 마라
실패는 성공의 어머니라는 말은 항상 정답에 가깝다
성실성을 갖고 행동하라
어떤 상황에서도 항상 예의바른 행동을 하라
우정이란 무엇인가?
(...)

5. 지식에 관하여
자기에 맞는 지식의 목차를 만들어라
라이프 워크를 선택하라
일하는 여성만큼 아름다운 도전은 없다"

Copyright ⓒ 2006 [Source]

I feel like I've had the most relaxing and enjoyable weekend since I came back to Pullman from Alaska during summer. Yes, it is five on Sunday morning and not having a rested sleep. I could've done some productive school work rather surfing internet and chatting with a friend who's also awake five in the morning in Pullman. This weekend was so good, because I stayed home, most of the day, and watched movies with my friends. I rather call my roomates as friends since I do consider them as my friends after all. It's like a family members but not related. However we do live together.Do we have to share common interests? Not necessary, but we get along fine as far as I know and hopefully everything will work out throughout the year. This weekend is the first weekend that Wendy decided to stay home for the first time. I was excited to do something with her since I never had chance to do anything with her since we moved in together. As far as movies go, we (Paul, Wendy and I) watched, The Lake House (soooo good), Inside Man (this was good too), 49 days (kinda spoooky but okay), That's the way I like it ( I love this one... so cute). And I have "Drink, Drank, Drunk" movie in my room deciding whether I should watch it and fall asleep while watching it. I think it is little late to do that. Anyway, I just want to mention it feels good not doing anything productive sometime, and enjoy myself and other people around me. Plus, I just received my first paycheck from my part time teaching job today so that made my day too. I can buy some healthy food now. It's not that I couldn't buy but I was just trying to control the amount of money I spend on buying groceries.

Just a thought when I was talking to Paul at the Daily Grind, a popular coffee place in Pullman, and birthday was one of the topic we talked about. I was about to mention to him, but I just let it passed away with a smile. While we were talking about birthdays, I remembered when I was little, I woke up early in the morning on my birthday and find my present before my parents wake up. Back then... I had both of my parents. Not that I don't have anymore.. anyways.. My dad hid my birthday cake and a present on top of the refrigerator. I used a chair to reach the cake and the present. From what I can remember it was a watch. Unfortunately, I do not have it right now but I can remember clearly. I was very excited. It was early in the monring when I found my present and cake. I don't think my parents knew about this by the way. I want to go back to that time and be excited about my birthday... and presents. More I think about it, more I miss that moment of my life. Will I get it back in the future?

It's 5 in the morning. The sun will rise in about one hour and twenty minutes. Is it worth of staying up or should I go to sleep? I will regret if I don't get any sleep.

Staying up until 4am in the morning talking and chatting with my flatmate Paul was fun but the consequences were not too much fun. I was feeling sleepy and tired all day and I was not able to motivate myself to do any homework. Plus, my room was little distractive in other word, messy, I had to organize my room before I begin to do my homework. I guess I haven't been paying attention to my own area lately. It was embarrassing to hear that my room is messy from someone else but better to realize early before group of people come over to our apartment tonight to play a game called mah-jungg. Mahjung is "a game of Chinese origin usually played by four persons with 144 dominolike pieces or tiles marked in suits, counters, and dice, the object being to build a winning combination of pieces" I heard many people get addicted to this game. I have not played yet, but I look forward to learn how to play tonight.

Another weekend is passing by and... the time seems to fly by so fast that I wish I can enjoy every minute of it.

I realized I haven't update my livejournal for awhile when I received a nudge from a friend. I have great excuses. My apt internet has been in and out so I could not get internet access whenver I wanted. Other excuse is that my notebook totally crashed so I have to buy a brand new one. This means, I can't use internet at school whenver I want. I can still use it but not too much of personal use.
Also... I realized I don't have lot of friends through livejournal to update my journal to let my friends know about what is going on with my life. I need to make some friends through livejournal. I am no so sure how. I can pick random people and add them as friends(?) probably not a good idea.
Anyway, I want to make it short today but I still want to write it so that people... whoever might end up at my livejournal know I'm a live person.:)